Disclaimer: *My sister has told me that I need to dig a little deeper and be more open in my blog.  I tend to protect/hide my feelings and not share them very frequently in such an open place as the world wide web.  It is hard for me to share my inner-most thoughts with strangers.  Today I will give it a try.

Today was a rough day for me at work.  Nothing horrible or catastrophic happened, it was actually a mellow day as for as the work load went.  What was hard was listening to the conversations going on around me.  My job requires me to stay at my desk as much as possible.  I must be there to answer phone, great visitors and answer patients call-lights.  Sometimes I call my desk my cage, I only tell you this to explain why I could not just get up and move or distance myself from the situation. 
Back to the conversation(s), as they kept restarting throughout the day.  The charge nurse today happens to be six months pregnant.  I am happy for her and all other woman who are currently pregnant around me.  But she usually spends most of the day complaining about the side-effects of pregnancy.  OK, I know that not all aspects of creating a child are pleasant and enjoyable.  And I know that every woman handles each pregnancy differently. I am used to hearing this.  But it doesn't mean that you have to whine and complain about it for the entire nine months.  (This particular person, was dreading it at the same time she was openly telling us she was trying to conceive.)
For one stretch of 30 minutes today this nurse and two other co-workers were only five feet away from my desk discussing all the horrible, uncomfortable, exhausting aspects of each of their past pregnancies.  This is not the first time I have silently sat inwardly hurting as they complain about the miracle that is happening within their bodies, and the experience that I can only dream of. 
I know that the time will come when Nathan and I are able to be part of our own miracle.  Adoption is its own horrible, uncomfortable, exhausting experience.  We have be 'paper-pregnant' (the adoption equivalent) for much longer than the 'natural pregnancies nine month timetable.'  It has been over nine months of just waiting for the right woman to choose us to be parents. Before that it was two and a half years of trying to conceive and medical tests before beginning the year of work it took to become certified to adopt.  It has been a long journey.  I do not regret it.  We have grown and become stronger because of it.  But I do not wish it on anyone.  It is hard.  I'm sure it is just as hard as pregnancy, but sometimes it just hurts to hear others degrade and complain and have to hold my feeling in.  It is not these girls fault, I do not blame them.  It is a natural thing for women to talk about.  I know they did not mean to hurt me or be intensive to my situation.  I just need to acknowledge my own feelings. 
I know that the time will come when I will become a mother and it will happen because of a woman like this who is willing to endure the hardship and joys of carrying a child and giving birth.  I know that it will happen.  I have a quote that sits in my front room too keep me from getting discouraged.  It says "Even miracles take a little time" -Cinderella.  We will continue to be patient and hope and pray for our own little miracle.

A good friend posted this to my Facebook wall this week,
she said that it made her think of me.